This past week, we had a very inspiring Wednesday gathering of twenty Londoners for a guest speaker Circle of Sharing with David Gustave, who candidly and honestly shared his incredible personal journey with us. It is very humbling to learn from and share a beautiful evening with someone whose life experiences are nothing short of extraordinary: from growing up in an abusive family, to being homeless as a teenager, to using his fists as a "tool of choice" for survival, to attending Oxford as a 32-year-old undergraduate student, and finally giving back by helping young people facing similar circumstances to his own and offering them positive experiences to turn their lives around. The quote that inspires Dave’s service journey: “The path is found in the service of others.”
In the spirit of service, Dave shared his journey with us openly and what a complex journey it has been over the past 43 years. Dave was born to immigrant parents, an Irish mother and St. Lucian father, and raised in Peckham (South London), living in a “disgusting single room flat with rats and mice” in a white working-class neighbourhood along with his two siblings. Due to his mixed background, Dave experienced a lot of racism growing up and recalled how he got beaten up on the first day of school as a kid. Not only did he face violence and aggression in school, but also at home where he was beaten by his alcoholic father since he was only 5 years old. Although he dealt with a challenging home life, Dave feels that, “The institutionalised racism and classism I faced was more oppressive than any physical hit I’ve taken.”
His childhood experiences led Dave to feel very excluded from mainstream society and he turned to violence and aggression himself at the very young age of 11. “I learned from a young age to be more violent than everyone around me and that’s how I survived,” says Dave in describing these early years of his life.
And not only did the violence manifest itself externally, he also was dealing with potentially even more intense internal violence, as he had what he described as “rages” or “electrical storms” in his mind, where he would lock himself up in a room and let loose. Dave shared, “According to studies, people from my socio-economic circumstances experience the same stress levels as soldiers returning from Afghanistan.” Because he felt his voice was repressed and he lacked access to any outlets to express himself intellectually, violence became his tool of choice for survival because it was the only thing that enabled him to create space around him and that’s all he knew.
Dave left home when he was only 15, unable to deal with the abuse he faced at home. He pursued a variety of means to support himself over the next several years, often including "illegal" ones, as he did what he knew – try to survive. At 19, he got married to someone and spent the next 10 years being abusive to his own wife, channelling his violence close to home. By the time he reached the age of 29, Dave had spent several years in a series of “dead-end jobs” and was violent towards himself. At 29, he met someone else, left his wife and moved in with her. She underwent a traumatic experience personally and Dave reacted in a very selfish way, getting very angry personally but showing no compassion for what she must be going through. He looked back at how he handled this life experience and had a moment of clarity – something was not right here. Why was he not feeling more compassion for her? Why was he not able to get past his own anger? This experience was a significant turning point in his life and led him to set out to change the course of his life.
At 31, Dave decided to go back to school and secretly enrolled in evening classes to prepare for his A-level exams (equivalent of last two years of high school). While he had discontinued his formal education early at 16, Dave was aware that he was very smart and could do what he put his mind to academically. This time, he didn’t tell anyone what he was up to when he went back to school – he just got on with it. One of his exam papers happened to be graded by an Oxford professor, who was impressed with what he read and invited Dave up to meet with him at Oxford. He encouraged Dave to apply to university and the next thing he knew, at the age of 32, Dave enrolled at Oxford as an undergraduate studying history. He went on to complete a Masters degree as well and won a variety of law scholarships upon completing his studies there.
Until his mid-30’s, Dave feels he was “running on empty” and was destroying himself. He decided to actively seek out ways to work on himself, ways to find peace. He studied the work of numerous philosophers and learned about different religions in his pursuit. During his last year at Oxford, Dave found himself reading Malcolm X’s autobiography and recalls being particularly inspired by the last chapter where he talks about how he "found peace." He spent more time reading about Islam and through intellectual exploration arrived at the decision to convert, as he was seeking a religion that offered him a framework for his personal journey and tools for self-discipline. But even this major life decision, he kept to himself. In some ways, he feels that this moment in his life was the beginning to his path of service.
After finishing up at Oxford, Dave tried out law school and concluded very quickly that it wasn’t for him. He recalled going to an interview for a law school place where they asked him how he defines success and he responded, “To have a wife and kids, a home with a garden, to be happy.” And as you can imagine, they were confused by his answer. But as Dave sees, it, when you’ve had the upbringing he has, all you want is a normal life, that’s what you strive for. Around this time, Dave met a woman named Camila Batmanghelidjh, who had founded a charity based in South London called Kids Company to provide practical, emotional and educational support to vulnerable inner-city children. She could see the potential Dave had to really reach the young people her organisation worked with and connect with them. So, Dave decided to work for Kids Company as an educational motivator, working with young kids from troubled backgrounds facing very similar circumstances to his own and this too, just a few minutes away from where he grew up.
Initially, for the first couple of years, Dave had a difficult time connecting with the young people at Kids Company – they didn’t like him and they abused him. And then, he realised, it was a reflection of his own inner turmoil. Through his work, Dave learned that his own journey was so intertwined in the young people’s journeys. The kindness he received along the way in his life is what enabled him to travel the path he did and he wanted to give unconditionally to these young people all the kindness he had received so that they may choose a positive path in life. “It’s cool to give something back,” says Dave and this is what he does everyday in his role, as he creates "the leaders of tomorrow."
Throughout his life, Dave “was moving from place to place and person to person” and was always searching for “home.” When he met Camilla and started working at Kids Company, things started to fall into place and he’s now been at the same job for 4+ years, feeling more at “home” than ever before, which has opened up the space for him to give more of himself.
And where has Dave left his relationship with his family today, many of us wondered? Not how most of us in the room would have anticipated given his childhood experiences. Dave says he’s forgiven his father a long time ago, but finds it difficult to forget what he went through. His parents are happily married 46 years later and he speaks to them on a daily basis.
When asked how he defines success in his day-to-day work with young people, Dave was reminded of this Emerson quote, which he feels sums it up best:
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Looking ahead, Dave’s on a mission, unlike many people. Dave shared, “While a lot of unpleasant things happened to me in my life, I definitely remember the moments when I was the recipient of the kindness of others around me. I feel it’s so important, every act of kindness we do is so important, because you never know how it’s going to impact someone’s life down the line." And as he explores a future role in British politics, he says, “I want to bring love, caring and kindness to politics.” He continues, “You can have all the tools of success, but what it’s really about is creating communities. It's all about love.” And when asked if he sees himself as a leader, Dave humbly shares, “I’m not a leader. I’m a representative of a community that’s never had a voice before.”
Thank you Dave for sharing your personal journey with us and for choosing to be the change in your own life.
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